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Ironically, I love history and despite watching Eat, Pray, Love (in which the lead character briefly lives in Trastevere) multiple times, every friend that went to Rome and showed me photos of the crowds killed any desire I might’ve had to explore the iconic city myself.

The first time I went to Rome, and Italy for that matter, was not entirely intentional. I just so happened to marry an Italian and when we decided to go visit his family in Southern Italy for Christmas, Rome ended up being the best last-minute flights we could find. The weeks leading up to the trip were a blur; within two weeks I: got married, quit my jobs, and packed up two homes. Understandably, I arrived in Rome exhausted. I had also been in transit for the prior 48 hours, visiting friends in LA and Philly along the way. To top it all off, I was greeted by pouring rain and the type of travel issues that tend to happen when you plan things at the last minute (or rather, don’t plan).

When we left Rome on Christmas Eve, only about a day after landing, I left even more exhausted and with a cold that would develop into a fever that left me sick until after New Year’s Eve.

Although we tried to make the most of the short stopover in Rome, I left never wanting to return. I remember thinking it was a pity that I had such a bad experience that would forever poison my view of the city to the point that I would never choose to go there of my own free will and if I did, I would never enjoy it. (life was probably laughing at me then for the impending irony that would unfold)

And I likely would not have made plans to go back were it not for my mom coming to visit Italy and wanting to see the Vatican. So we went to Rome again. This time was marginally better, and I left thinking that maybe some people (like me) are just cursed to have poor experiences in Rome. I left again with no plans to return, although I could appreciate how the city could be nice under different circumstances and I made notes of places and events in Rome that interested me. (foreshadowing)

This brings me to my most recent and most loved Rome trip. Due to circumstances outside my control, I cannot travel outside of Italy and the US. So when my husband decided to go to Albania, I decided to travel as well. Originally, I was thinking of heading farther north to somewhere I’d never been like Genova or Trieste, but because there were some things I didn’t have the chance to do the last time I was in Rome, and because Rome is much easier, quicker, and cheaper to get to, I decided to go to Rome for a long weekend.

It sounds funny to say that I went to Rome to party and do wellness stuff, but that’s why I went.

This was also the first solo trip that I’ve been on this year. Traveling, and traveling alone in particular, used to be something that I did a lot, but living in one of the most expensive cities in the world for the past couple years, it hasn’t been something I’ve been able to do as much as I would have liked.

It’s ironic that I–once again–arrived in Rome to rain, but the following days were infinitely better than any experience I’d had there in the past. Despite the heat wave, as most of Europe is still experiencing record-breaking temperatures, I had the time of my life. Instead of trying to do things that maybe one is “supposed” to do, I just did what I wanted. Instead of eating pasta, I wandered into a hidden garden in Trastevere with stray cats and ate fried zucchini. Instead of walking uphill to go to Villa Borghese in the hot sun, I walked around the outskirts of the city and got matcha. I skipped the clubs and spent the night dancing at an outdoor dance party with a craft station and no-phone policy. My itinerary isn’t for everyone, but it was perfect for me.

I love my life now, but there are aspects of my past lives that I miss and are just not possible where I live now. It might sound trivial to miss things like going to a pilates class or meeting up with friends and being able to speak my native language, and I wouldn’t say that I experience homesick-ness, but I really felt like these small bits of familiarity healed something within me.

So tdlr: Just because you have an unfortunate first exposure with something, doesn’t mean that is the experience you are locked into having. Circumstances can change if effort is put in, and some things are more of a slow burn than love at first sight–and most good things are probably a bit of both.

To see more details of my trip, follow me on instagram.

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Ingredients & Instruments

For every 1 kilo of fioroni use 100 grams of sugar and 1 lemon.

1. Fioroni. I had never heard of these before I encountered them in Italy, but they actually bloom on the tree as figs, just earlier in the season. They’re nearly identical to figs except that they are larger, greener, and not as sweet. I prefer the more delicate flavor much more than figs, although if you don’t have access to them, you could probably swap the fioroni in this recipe for fresh figs and just use less sugar.

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In the most simple of terms, La Grande Belleza is about Jep Gambardella, an aging journalist and critic, as he ventures around Rome. It’s by Paolo Sorrentino, who is responsible for Parthenope and a slew of other weird (affectionate), heady, artsy, Italian films. I felt confused after watching it the first time. And also the second time. But I think that is part of its beauty.

One thing I didn’t fully appreciate the first time I watched this film is how Italian it is. In particular, Jep’s birthday party in the beginning of the film with the song/dance Mueve La Colita hits different after having danced to that song during a six-hour Pasqua lunch.

One of many themes in the film is perception. There’s an early scene in the film that involves an interview between Jep and an artist named Talia Concept who refers to herself in the third person and whose performance involves her running into a pillar wearing nothing but a gauzy white veil and a bush dyed like the Soviet Union flag. Talia Concept speaks vaguely of vibrations. After Jep repeatedly pushes her to define what she means by vibrations, she confesses to not knowing what a vibration is.

After the interview, Jep and his editor laugh about Jep's article over dinner.

One of my favorite parts of this film is how rich it is. Every scene is bursting at the seams with texture, there’s so much to look at and listen to, it’s truly such a feast for the senses. The dialogue is dense, the characters are deep, the aesthetics are strong and varied. Every scene is like a little vignette with so many sweet, tender, heartbreaking, and racy moments strewn throughout the 2.5(ish) hours. I would love to see what the creative process behind making this film was like, because it is such an epic masterpiece.

There are several party scenes throughout the film. There’s one in the beginning that is particularly iconic. But I really like one that starts around the 25 minute mark. It feels like a night that you’ve just stumbled into, beginning with a chat about money and art between Jep and his friend Romano indoors and culminating (as many Italian nights do) with a group of friends gathered outside drinking, smoking, and chatting. There’s Lello (the fast-talking toy seller), Lello’s wife Trumeau, and Jep’s editor, Dadina, just to name a few. After comments on Marxism, misogyny, and misandry, Jep and friends observe Jep’s quiet neighbor step out onto his balcony. A tall blonde woman steps out after him, and then a short man, the woman kisses the short man. And the night dissolves away in an ambient flurry of chaotic music.

On another similar night, we stumble into Jep and the usual characters sitting around on Jep’s balcony once again. Stafania, a fellow writer, talks about the generation of youths that live off of Italy’s support for years before leaving for the USA or London and forgetting about all the support their motherland provided them. Jep calls out Stefania’s boasting ego and at the end of his monologue he concludes with:

Stefania, mother and woman. You’re 53, with a life in tatters, like the rest of us. Instead of acting superior and treating us with contempt, you should look at us with affection. All we can do is look each other in the face, keep each other company, joke a little . . . Don’t you agree?

Silent, Stefania gets up and walks out, pushing away Trumeau’s hand that reaches out to her as she walks past. Although it may not have been well received in that moment, it’s such a beautiful sentiment that I wish I heard reinforced more often. Many times, we as humans might perceive ourselves as being different and even superior to others for arbitrary reasons. But in the end, we’re all in it together. No one has it all figured out.

The night melts into another night as Jep, in a red suit, wanders to a strip club owned by an old friend, and meets his friend’s daughter Ramoana. She’s an “aging” stripper that works in her father’s club (note that aging is in air quotes because she’s 42 but her father thinks she’s too old to be a stripper).

On my second viewing of the film, I was really struck by the nostalgic and pulsing electronic song playing in the background of their initial meeting. And in general the teenagers in love style of music that follows the couple on their journey. It’s very Vampire Diaries/early 2000’s drama show (in a good way).

In the strip club, Jep confesses to Ramona that her father asked him to find her a husband, and after she replies that she’s not looking for one, Jep attempts to convince her by saying that “family’s a beautiful thing.” She responds simply: “I know. But I’m not cut out for beautiful things.”

In addition to all the layered textures of the film, I especially love the freedom that all the characters embody throughout the film. They dance wildly, they’re full of hypocrisies, they flail, they stumble, but they do it all with a level of ease and comfort with themselves that is oddly comforting to watch. Art–those who create it and those who admire it–is like a supporting actor in the film.

Similar to life, the film gets harder to explain as it goes on, twisting and twirling like one of the fast moving dance trains weaving through one of the film’s many parties. I think I could watch this film 100 times, and have a different perception every time. Maybe that’s the grand beauty of life, it’s different from every angle, just like a magic trick.

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At the time that I originally tackled the idea of losing control and falling in love, my life felt incredibly chaotic, unpredictable, and out of my control. And most of that is still true today. However, today I have the joy, honor, and newness of figuring it out with someone I love.

This time last year, I had just moved out of a beautiful (and decrepit) apartment on Valencia Street in San Francisco with two bedrooms and bay windows. It was something that I dreamed of from the moment I first walked around The Mission nearly two years prior, and I don’t know that I ever really allowed myself to enjoy that achievement fully.

When this article was published last year, I was sleeping on an air mattress in my friends’ closet, similar to Harry Potter when he lived under the stairs but (thankfully) in a more loving home. In the time since then, I fell in love, got married, and then promptly begin to deal with multiple bureaucratic processes, all largely out of my control.

I still grapple to balance a craving for control and a love of spontaneity. Falling in love doesn’t fix that overnight, but being loved helps. I used to think that I had to be a perfect version of myself before I allowed others into my life, but there’s value in holding someone’s hand and walking down a path you’ve never been before.

New additions to the list of things I enjoy because someone showed me how:

• Live looping

• L’eredità

• Not wearing makeup

• Raw red meat

• Italy

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Although the internet will tell you this is an Italian saying, I do think it’s worth noting that I have yet to hear anyone say it in the time I’ve spent in Puglia. Not saying that I don’t believe it, a brief glance at any cafe with outdoor seating will confirm this ideology. I point this out more as a note on how diverse Italy is as a country. Italy was not even a legally unified country until the second half of the 1800s, and there still exist multiple languages and dialects within the various regions and provinces, (some of the “dialects” are more of an unrecognized language than a regional variation of Italian).

But I digress.

One thing I love about being married, is the way that very normal habits are observed and described by my husband in peculiar ways. For example, what I would call window shopping or going for a stroll, he calls loitering. As someone that grew up in America, specifically Baltimore City, a place rife with “no loitering” signs, this word triggers a certain image in my mind. One that becomes comical when assigned to my innocent and irreverent activities that typically include some combination of sunshine (sole), walking aimlessly (passeggiata), shooting the shit (chiacchiere), and having some sort of fun beverage or little treat (like a caffè or a gelato).

Dictionary.com provides the following definitions of loitering:

1. the act of lingering aimlessly or as if aimlessly in or about a place.

2. the act of moving in a slow, idle manner, with purposeless stops.

3. the act of wasting time or dawdling over work.

On the surface, loitering seems like a benign, although perhaps “inefficient” use of time. However, loitering in the U.S. has historically been quite criminalized. This isn’t a piece on the legal history of loitering, but if you want that there’s plenty of information available online and from your local library. But I do think it’s worth noting that U.S. society is lonely and craves community, while actively making it harder to congregate free of charge (or even with a nominal fee).

Compare this to Italy, where it is not uncommon to buy breakfast (typically an espresso and cornetto) and sit outside the cafe smoking, chatting, or reading a newspaper until hopping on a bike and leisurely peddling down the road. The entire experience can last hours and costs less than the price of a latte in the U.S. (and yes those numbers are representative of national averages and come from Google AI overview).

Loitering is a treat. It implies leisure and luxury, not quick timed efficiency. Loitering is not about looking at the clock so you know when your lunch break is over. Loitering is about losing track of time. It’s stepping out to go for a walk and then running into a neighbor and chatting about nothing. It’s going to the market for eggs, and wandering the isles getting inspiration of what to cook for dinner. The price is the inconvenience of not being told what to buy, what to do, or where to go. And the reward is discovery, creation, and surprise.

If you’re into the hopeful future kind of thing, there is an argument to be made for loitering as an act of resistance/resiliency, but I’ll let you create that one yourself.

For me, loitering is wandering around, getting to know your neighborhood, chatting with strangers and friends, and not participating in a consumerist society. And I personally struggle to find a better use of my free time.

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Here are ten things I did to make my life unrecognizable (in a good way) from this time last year:

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One of my first jobs was working at a music festival venue, and I’ve attended various festivals throughout the US. And while I do have a deep love and appreciation for festivals I also:

1. have been super disappointed to see the ecological impact that festivals leave in their wake; and

2. want to dismantle the idea that you need to spend a lot of money and dress a certain way to go to a festival and have a good time.

I’ve tried to provide sustainable solutions throughout this list, as I’ve seen people leave behind brand new coolers and air mattresses (literally still in the original packaging!) at multiple festivals.

I also want to discourage the idea that there is a right and wrong way to dress at festivals. I think part of the reason why fast fashion has become so rampant in the festival community is this idea that there are particular outfits one should wear to festivals.

[Sidebar: I actually wrote briefly about the lack of personality/originality in Coachella style last year, so shameless plug to that article 😏]

Essentials

Do not leave home without these!

Ticket

Literally if you bring nothing else, you should have this.

Earplugs

Adding these to necessity items because I’ve had enough DJ/party friends tell me about their hearing issues, and if you hear ringing in your ears after leaving the stage, that’s ✨hearing damage.✨

I had knockoff Eargasm earbuds for a while before I lost the case.

Now, I have the Loop Switch 2, which I like because you can toggle between three different levels of noise protection. They also come in a convenient carrying case that you can attach to a keychain, necklace, etc.

I’ve also seen people wear earmuffs, I think this is a super cute idea and super practical if you’re going to a festival that gets chilly.

Also the OG foam earplugs remain a really economical choice, and I’ve even seen some venues hand these out for free.

Although if you do go to music events often I strongly recommend investing in a pair of reusable earplugs.

Wallet

In addition to ID, I recommend some kind of banking card (even if you have tap to pay, it’s wise to have a backup), cash, and a health insurance card.

Sunscreen

If packing sunscreen, I always go for a 50 spf mineral sunscreen, and I really like brands that are designed for kids/babies, because I find that those normally don’t irritate my sensitive skin. The last sunscreen I purchased was from Badger, I like that it has very few ingredients and came in a tin instead of plastic.

Hydration

I am a big fan of hydropacks instead of water bottles because I find drinking from a hydropack is easier than pulling out a waterbottle whenever I’m thirsty.

I brought a hydropack online about a decade ago and it lasted for a long time. But, if I were to buy a new one, I’d go for something with fabric material so that I can patch it up if it rips–my old hydropack was a reflective plastic, which was super cute and easy to clean, but made it hard to repair.

A running vest is another great option, especially if you already own one. Here are some examples of running vests styled as street wear:

Also you can just buy a hydropack bladder and drop it into an existing backpack or bag of your choosing.

Fashion

For this section, I almost exclusively buy secondhand items. There’s so much fashion already in existence, and I really like wearing things that are unique and have meaning to me. I also enjoy the practice of crafting my style and the element of discovery that comes from thrifting.

I’m a big fan of clothing swaps, flea markets, and yard sales. In addition to walking around your neighborhood, online resources like Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist can be good for discovering these.

Some online secondhand shops include TheRealReal, Thrifted, DePop, ThredUp, Vinted, and Ebay.

Sunglasses

Truly an essential. Some of my favorite pairs have been thrifted or gifted to me.

Fits

This will definitely depend on the climate of the festival and your personal style, but I am a big fan of comfortable shoes, a fun layer for when I inevitably get cold, and a gaiter or bandana which I like to douse with essential oil like lavender or eucalyptus and can also double as a dust mask.

Bags

As I mentioned above, I am a big fan of the hydropack. I also have worn oversized fanny packs, small backpacks, crossbody bags, etc.

I’m a big fan of The Everywhere Bag from reign_wala, the bag can be worn as a fannypack, although I normally wear it as a cross-body or just sling it over my shoulder. I met their founder many years ago at Williamsburg Artist & Fleas and I love how their pieces are stylish but also functional, sustainable, and ethically made.

Toiletries

Makeup

I am currently in my no-makeup era (we’ll see if it last through festival season) but have always been pretty lowkey with this.

In the past, I have typically focused on a glowing skin with some fun and colorful accents. For example, a lightweight liquid foundation, simple powder bronzer/blush, a pencil brow brush, and an eyelash curler.

Last summer, I spiced up my makeup with things like liquid liner, glitter eyeshadow, and colorful mascara.

Also, I love a natural lip. One of my friends told me she was surprised when she offered me her lipstick to borrow on my wedding day, and I said: “no thanks, I think I have some chapstick somewhere.” I was team Aquaphor for a while, but these days I’ve just been using coconut or olive oil if anything.

Hydrocolloid bandaids for blisters

I like Compeed, but several generic versions are also available and I’ve found those work well too.

Skincare

I’m a big fan of double cleansing with first an oil based cleanser and then some kind of foaming cleanser. I typically use coconut oil and then some sort of Cerave cleanser. Especially at desert festivals like Coachella and Burning Man, my skin gets super dehydrated and I love lathering on coconut oil at night to restore some moisture.

Immune booster

I normally start taking zinc a few days before I travel and through the end of my trip to help ward off any germs from the airport/festival crowds.

Also papaya, kiwi, citrus like grapefruit and oranges, as well as raw green veggies like kale and broccoli are good sources of vitamin C. And cashews, shellfish, hemp seeds, and pumpkin seeds are good sources of zinc.

Additional medications

Allergy pills, sleep aids, etc. Whatever you need to be healthy and happy.

Extras

These are nice to haves for me. Definitely not necessary, but they can make a world of difference.

Salt, Liquid IV, Pedialyte, etc.

Pedialyte had a pop-up hydration bar at Coachella last year, and a shot of it actually revived me.

Mints/Gum/Listerine strips.

I’ve also seen people hand out single use toothbrushes at Burning Man sunrise sets, but I do prefer the compostability of things like mints or Listerine spray.

Disposable/Digital camera

Nothing can replicate the look of film. Also I really like not being on my phone for photos.

Journal/Book

I am terrible at sleeping in, and I am quite introspective, so I love an activity to occupy my time in the early morning or whenever I need an introvert moment.

Gifts to give

My friend brought a friendship bracelet kit to Coachella last year that was perfect. It was a fun activity to make in the mornings while everyone was getting ready and it was super sweet to hand out to people in the house/at the fest.

I’ve also received Polaroids at Burning Man and those are one of my favorite gifts for sure.

Camping

Everyone has different preferences on this. I’ll try to provide some options, but I personally chose to go pretty bare bones as I prefer spending my time out exploring rather than hanging out at a campsite.

Many gear stores like REI, Sports Basement, and Decathlon have a secondhand section, these items are discounted and can include gently used gear and even items that were brought and worn once (if that) and returned because it was the wrong size.

Borrowing from friends or renting gear from stores like those mentioned above, or other local options, can also be a great way to contribute to a circular economy, save money, and try out gear before purchasing your own. Some schools also have gear borrow/rental programs.

Shelter

I have typically just camped with a tent, I’ve been pretty loyal to Coleman tents as I’ve never had an issue with them.

Shiftpods are also quite popular. While I can appreciate the comfort of being able to stand up and install things like an air conditioner or a fridge, they are pretty heavy and bulky to carry and they do not handle heat well, so if you’re in a hot climate some sort of cooling system is essential.

Sleep

Again, everyone has different standards for what they need to be comfortable. For sleeping, I like coccoon or mummy sleeping bags as they’re super warm and cozy. Here’s an example from Mammut, although several significantly cheaper options exist from your preferred sporting goods/online retailer.

For a base to sleep on, I’ve tried sleeping pads, cots, airmattresses, futons, and hammocks.

I have had some of the best sleeps of my life in hammocks, but they’re not always feasible depending on the camping situation. I find cots to be more comfortable than sleeping pads, although they’re not as portable.

I don’t currently own any kind of sleeping base, and I’m not really in the market for one, as I don’t go on enough long camping trips/camping festivals to make it worth it for me, but I’ve seen some 100% cotton futons that look tempting. Here’s one example, but plenty of other options available:

Food

I cannot stress enough how lazy I am when it comes to this, so my preference with food it to stick to non-perishable items and things that do not need to be refrigerated. If I were left to my own devices, I would (and have) survived off of baby food, fruit (either dried or durable fresh fruit like oranges and green apples), protein bars, and tinned fish.

I have used a cooler in the past which can be nice and helpful. At Burning Man, ice is the only thing you can buy, and it gets so hot that it’s been nice to put skincare like aloe or face masks in the cooler to get cold. A hack for coolers is to freeze water bottles and use those as ice, that way you’ll also have cold water when it defrosts.

As far as cooking goes, I love cooking by fire, but if that’s not possible, portable camping stoves are a great alternative.

Smaller systems like the Jetboil and Pocket Rocket are another great alternative, especially if you just want a way to make your morning coffee.

Okay, thank you, goodbye <3

Comment below if you want me to do a separate article on something more niche like festival fashion or innovative ways to go to festivals for free/nearly free!

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For the past decade, amid deciding to move across the country and realizing a life-long dream of traveling around the U.S. in a bus, I have lamented about how much I would love to find stability. A stable home environment, a stable career, a stable relationship, the list goes on. All the while actively pursuing people, passions, and places that guaranteed the opposite of this.

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A few months ago, I watched a video titled: How to Be a Good Citizen When Your Country Does Bad Things. In the accompanying article (message me if you want a pdf), columnist M. Gessen, interviewed Israeli Jewish citizens that oppose their government, the bottom line: “Resistance can be scary, and I think it’s actually a pretty good way to gauge whether you’re doing enough.”

This stuck with me.

For me there are two takeaways: 1) “Some are guilty; all are responsible;” and 2) “To be a good citizen of a bad state, one has to do scary things.”

“Some are guilty; all are responsible”

The ethos of this quote, attributed to American rabii Abraham Joshua Heschel, is echoed throughout the article and has really been a guideline for me throughout my life. Nothing can change that I was born in the U.S. as a U.S. citizen, and I feel a duty to protect and improve the country that I receive the benefits of citizenship from. I also am of the belief that the government works for us as Americans, not the other way around. Our tax dollars fund their salaries. We elect the people that work in government offices as public servants. The government in supposed to act in the best interests of the people, not to serve the private interests of government officials.

Similarly, Ella Keidar Greenberg, shares in the aforementioned article that it is not her shame or guilt that inspires her to act, but feelings of rage and responsibility. “No matter what I do, I am Israeli. It’s a choice that I have no choice but to choose,” says Greenberg, an activist and Israeli citizen who refused to enlist in mandatory military service and served jail time for it, and now spends her days putting her body in between Palestinians and Israelis. Greenberg adds that it is also a choice to be a bystander, stating: “I’m either maintaining the system or dismantling it.”

“To be a good citizen of a bad state, one has to do scary things.”

One thing that I love about resistance, is that it is inclusive. Resistance can include boycotting, striking or supporting striking workers, shopping in cash or moving your money to local credit unions, sharing food or other resources with your neighbors, creating a neighborhood watch group, growing a community garden, volunteering at your local school, supporting your local library, the list is endless. Resistance is creative, regenerative, and resilient.

There are so many ways to resist, and sure some of them can feel “scary” in their own way. But just because something is scary, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. A trembling voice that speaks up against injustice is, in my humble opinion, better than a steady voice that says nothing at all about the horrors surrounding them.

More importantly, taking action – in whatever form that may be – signals to others that it is safe and valid to do so. As Gessen states: “Seeing other people act makes it less frightening to join in protest.”

“For the moment we have restricted your capacity to share content in your stories because it is possible that the activity of your account does not comply with our community norms.”

I guess I’ve been thinking more about all this stuff lately because, in addition to reading the news, I spent the majority of the past two weeks (about 10 days total) unable to post stories or follow accounts on instagram. I noticed the restriction when I tried to re-post a publication from UpScrolled instagram’s account asking who else uses that app. For those who haven’t heard of it, UpScrolled is a Palestinian owned social media app that is against shadowbanning and censorship, two things that are part of instagram’s algorithm. Initially, I wasn’t even able to screenshot the error message (see below).

Although instagram never told me for certain what the issue was, the restriction came shortly after I did three things:

1. I posted a story saying that I was grateful for a nice run I went on, the ability to call elected officials to stop funding ICE, and how a comprehensive list makes it easy to boycott organizations that support ICE.

   

2. I posted a book review along with a quote about feeling hopeful about America and Americans.

   

3. I added a link to ICE List in my bio, the organization created the boycott list mentioned above and has many other resources including a publicly sourced database of ICE agent identities. I soon noticed that this link could not be opened from instagram, and shortly after I deleted this link from my bio, I was able to post again.

If You’re Not Scared, You’re Not Doing Enough?

Fear is subjective, but I don’t think you need to be scared to make a difference. Something as simple as knocking on your neighbor’s door to say hi and share a meal can make a huge difference. In an age where there is so much polarization in the media, empathy can feel like a radical act. After all, it is a lot easier to hate some mythical version of “other” that is pushed down your throat by for-profit institutions, than it is to hate your neighbor that acts a little different than you but works hard, pays taxes, and loves their family just like you do.

Additionally, although something may seem scary now, the consequences of a society that’s too apathetic to act is far more horrifying and leads to a significantly more scary future. Like many things in life, maybe you feel the current climate is not your ‘fault,’ but that doesn’t mean we lack responsibility to act.

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A few years ago, while I was at Burning Man, my younger cousin died nine days before his 21st birthday. This was my second cousin to die suddenly and within an 18 month span. I’m older than both of them now. I got the news from a hotel room at the Golden Nugget in Reno after being re-routed on my way home to California after heavy rains in the desert. At my cousin’s memorial a few weeks later, we were handed a piece of paper with a poem that said something about how you’ll never be the same after you lose someone you love, and that hole will always be there, but also you can learn to dance with a limp and let love grow around the cracks in your heart left by grief.

About nine months before that, in my first week of living in the Bay, our next door neighbor was stabbed to death on her way home from work. I had never met her, but the experience was rattling. Our book club read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, a book I had been hearing about for a while but didn’t realize how appropriate it would be until we had already selected the book and I began to read it. “Magical thinking” as I learned while reading Didion’s memoir, was less about benevolent witchcraft and manifestation, and more about delusion and the lies we tell ourselves to survive. Didion discusses grief and how our society has strayed from formal mourning rituals and the effects this has on all of us. We employ tactics like bargaining with ourselves and whatever Gods we believe in, denying the truth, but eventually we must face the fact that whoever we loved is gone.

Earlier this month, I went to the Mission’s Día de los Muertos parade. Día de los Muertos is a Latin American holiday that is celebrated as a way to remember and honor those we’ve loved and lost. I don’t remember celebrating it every year as a child, but it’s taken on a new sense of importance as I’ve gotten older. Once, while at dinner with a friend, in the midst of cheerful catching up, she looked at me and asked if I was alright and said something like, “you only know more and more people that die as you get older.” I agreed, and we went back to slurping up spicy hot pot.

A few weeks ago, in the midst of twelve hours of partying, I watched two men get taken away by medics. The first happened on a crowded dance floor, and the second occurred several hours later on a sidewalk as we were getting some air. The second time, several people pulled out their phones to film. It was jarring. But it felt like such an accurate depiction of life lately. There’s so much to hold as being true at once.

There’s so much going on, and more than ever before we have seemingly unlimited access to seeing so much that’s going on. From our phones, which many of us carry with us 24/7, we can see a livestream of someone going about their day halfway across the world. Opening social media can flood one with images of friends getting engaged, memes about late-stage capitalism, and videos of children getting blown up. How are we supposed to hold all of this inside of us?

I think its more important than ever to create and cultivate rituals for ourselves and our communities. As social media encourages polarization and division, we as people need to push for unity, inclusion, and understanding. Rituals help connect and bond us, but they also help us process and heal, and keep from burning out. For me, this is one of the initial reasons I decided to go to Burning Man.

The Temple is an art installation, designed by a different team each year, that is built and then burned on the last day of Burning Man. Throughout the week, people can go to seek solace and leave artifacts of loved ones they’ve lost. It’s made out of wood and so people will write in sharpie marker on the walls. I’ve cried almost every time I’ve gone there. The vibe around Temple is often somber and ethereal. But also safe and cleansing; it feels like a release. Having a physical place to go to, to pour out your heart, whether this is a temple in the middle of the desert, an altar in the corner of a room, or the even the ocean at sunset, has been really powerful and grounding for me as I try to make sense of a world that feels like its accelerating on its axis.

There are some people that say you’re lucky if you experience grief, because it means you loved someone or were loved by someone. But I don’t like this replacement of grief with luck. I think that in the US, there is a desire to replace certain emotions like sadness, anger, etc. with a “positive” emotion or to always be quick to look at the silver lining. This is such a disservice. While I won’t suggest wallowing, I know from personal experience that if you don’t feel your emotions when they arise, you’ll feel them 1000x stronger later, as grief like many emotions is compounding.

I know that death is all around us, because I’ve spent time playing in dirt. I remember growing up, the leaves on the trees in our yard would turn bright red and orange and fall to their deaths, only to get composted back into the Earth. In the Spring, the perennials would bloom and the birds would build their nests and wait for their eggs to hatch. Inevitably, some baby birds would die in the process of learning how to fly, and their featherless bodies would fall to the sidewalk. I remember one day at daycare, we found a dead butterfly and hosted a burial for it. Another time, when I was in elementary school, my friend and I trapped a large horse fly in a plastic bottle. We gave the fly everything we thought it would need like food and water, we just forgot to cut air holes in the jug, and it died shortly after. In my early 20s, I briefly lived on a farm in South Florida, and I remember defrosting a wild turkey (I was a vegetarian at the time) for others to eat. I remember being surprised at how heavy its frozen body was and how its long neck coiled around like a pig’s tail

But it feels different, when it’s someone you know. And I haven’t even mentioned the people you lose that are still alive but feel gone forever.

But if death is all around us, so is life.

And that, is certainly worth celebrating.

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“Julie disappointed herself. This used to be easy.” Those are the first words spoken aloud in the film.

In the first ten minutes, Julie–the protagonist–transitions from studying surgery to studying psychology, she dumps her boyfriend, cuts and dyes her hair, starts sleeping with her professor, begins to pursue a career in photography, starts sleeping with her muse, starts working in a bookstore, meets an older comic book artist named Aksel, and moves in with him after he suggests that they stop seeing each other.

However, despite all of this transformation and change, by the ten-minute mark, Julie’s life seems settled. She has moved into Aksel’s apartment and the two of them are visiting Aksel’s friends and their children in the countryside.

Of course the dust has not settled in Julie’s life. Because the dust never really settles. (Especially not when over 92% of the film remains.)

Over the course of the 128 minute film, viewers watch Julie live a very human life. It’s messy and imperfect, but she’s definitely not the actual worst person in the world.

I’ve tried to watch The Worst Person in the World several times. And to be honest, I’ve not yet succeeded in watching it in its entirety without pausing or getting distracted. There are parts of the film that make my skin crawl and my blood boil.

The worst part of these scenes is that I feel like I’m staring at my own reflection. Julie makes choices that I label as terrible or morally reprehensible. ‘Why is she doing this,’ the film makes us question.

I have felt a similar aversion to meditation. Films, meditation, art, relationships–all these things can be a mirror to ourselves. For me, meditation is a way to process everything that has happened, and is happening, and may or may never happen. But that can feel hard and scary and daunting when it feels like SO much happens in the span of one day.

Life can feel like its accelerating. Meditation just asks us to observe it. Non-judgmental observation, that’s the best definition of meditation that I can regurgitate.

There’s no need to change, or still the mind or the breath. No need to force a particular position or posture. Just observe.

Easy, right?

“The Worst Person in the World” takes on a similar approach. The film presents Julie without hiding much. It shows her throughout multiple storylines. We see how she interacts with her father, different partners, even strangers. There are no heroes in the story, but there are not really any villains either. It’s just life happening for two hours and eight minutes. Messy, unfiltered, raw, and frustrating.

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Of course there are so many amazing Halloween, October, horror, etc. films. And my list this year looks really different from past years. I’m currently enrolled in a film noir class so I’ve been watching older black and white films and I wanted to prioritize a broader time span to get an idea of how social/geo-political themes in the world may have influenced entertainment. There’s over a hundred years between the first and the last film on this list. Yet there are a lot of similar themes throughout, like immortality, revenge, and love. Happy Spooky Season 🎃👻😈

31 Days of Halloween Movies in Chronological Order

This list is meant to be watched in chronological order, with a few exceptions noted. I included trailers for ease, but if any of these titles are unfamiliar to you, I encourage you not to watch the trailer and see what you think of the movie when you watch it without expectations. And if you do watch any of these, especially if you watch most/all of them, I’d love to hear what you think!

1. Nosferatu (1922)

I have been wanting to watch this for a while! And I actually recently saw a clip of it in a film class. The 2024 version is one of my favorite films, so I’m really looking forward to starting off the month with a film that I’ve never seen but has inspired so many films that I have enjoyed.

2. Rebecca (1940)

The first American film project by The Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock. I really enjoyed Hitchcock’s Psycho and The Birds, and although those were both originally on the list, I decided to replace them with this earlier film. I’ve not seen it before so I’m excited to see how it compares.

3. House on Haunted Hill (1959)

I saw the 1999 remake of this a long time ago and found it pretty disturbing, but this will be my first time watching the original. American Horror Story Asylum also reminded me of the 1999 version, so curious to see how similar/different the remake and AHS are to this OG version with the legendary Vincent Price.

4. Onibaba (1964)

Harper’s Bazaar said that “[t]he most insufferable art bro you knew in college was likely obsessed with this movie” and for that reason I added this historical Japanese horror film to the list.

5. Young Frankenstein (1974)

This was my favorite movie for a while, but I haven’t seen it in several years. Curious to see if it is as funny as I remember.

6. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

A classic. Hoping to finally see this one in person this year as I’ve never been to a showing. I actually didn’t see this until 2020 when, for some random reason, I spent almost the entirety of October watching either this or the 2016 version every night before bed.

7. Suspiria (1977)

I have never seen this Italian supernatural horror film, but the fact that it involves ballet and served to inspire a 2018 remake with Dakota Johnson led me to add this one to the list. Apparently this film is the first in The Three Mothers trilogy by director David Argento, which also comprises Inferno (1980) and The Mother of Tears (2007).

8. The Shining (1980)

I think this is one of the best movies ever made. The cinematography is designed to give you a sense of unease. The first time I watched this, I had nightmares about this film for days after.

9. Hellraiser (1987)

I’ve never seen this directorial debut by horror master, Clive Barker, and I don’t really know what to expect. According to Wikipedia, it involves “a mystical puzzle box that summons the Cenobites, a group of extra-dimensional, sadomasochistic beings who cannot differentiate between pain and pleasure.”

10. The Lost Boys (1987)

I’m really intrigued by the human fascination with vampires and this is one of my favorite vampire movies. I also love that it’s mainly filmed in nearby Santa Cruz. I’ve never seen any of the sequels/spin-offs, but maybe next year I’ll add them in.

11. Candyman (1992)

This film was inspired by a novel by Hellraiser director/horror extraordinaire, Clive Barker. I’ve seen the 2021 version, and it was one of those films that I watched and immediately felt like I had to see the original and read the book, so I’m curious to see if this one gives more backstory.

12. The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

I really don’t know much about this other than the fact that it stars Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Susan Sarandon as witches–and honestly that’s all I need to know to add this to my list. Curious to see what witchy female friendships were like pre-Practical Magic.

13. The Crow (1994)

This is also super appropriate to watch on October 30th as that’s when the movie takes place. I watched this a long time ago, but don’t remember much other than it was really violent and sad and the lighting was really dark. Really curious to watch it again.

14. The Craft (1996)

I have not seen this before, but as someone who went to Catholic school I figured it was a must watch from the late 90s witch movie era.

15. Practical Magic (1998)

One of the most iconic movies in my mind. Apparently they’re making a sequel? You best bet there will be margaritas involved in the watching of this movie.

16. Halloweentown (1998)

This movie feels like October to me. Fun fact: it literally came out the day after Practical Magic. I might be biased, but I really do think that the late 90s were one of the best times in movies, music, fashion, and entertainment as a whole.

17. Sleepy Hollow (1999)

I have seen bits and pieces of this movie, but I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen it start to end. I actually went to Sleepy Hollow around Halloween a few years ago, so I’m looking forward to seeing this movie in its entirety and seeing if I recognize any landmarks.

18. American Psycho (2000)

This is actually one of my favorite movies, but I haven’t seen it in a while so I’m curious how the beginning scene will hit in this modern age.

19. Queen of the Damned (2002)

Despite a valiant recent effort in Vermont, I still have not seen this movie from start to end, but really hoping I can stay awake during it this time. #RIPqueenAaliyah

20. Let The Right One In (2008)

I have also seen the 2010 American remake, and the 2008 Swedish original is just so much better. This is another one of those films that I really liked when I saw it, but haven’t seen it in several years, so I’m looking forward to seeing how it stands up against the test of time.

21. Twilight (2008)

My friend is actually hosting a movie marathon of all of the Twilight films, but in my opinion the first is the best. Fun fact: it was shot in 44 days on a $37 million budget, and went on to gross $400 million worldwide. I think I remember hearing in the movie commentary that originally the movie was rated R, but the studio wanted to make it PG-13 so that it could have more commercial success. However, I think this would have been a better film if they had leaned into director Catherine Hardwicke’s indie film background and kept it dark, weird, and moody.

22. Black Swan (2010)

One of my favorite films. Not one I usually associate with Halloween, but I added this to the list to compare it with Suspiria, as they both involve ballet. And also because I think it helps demonstrate more the cerebral thriller-horror genre that began to gain popularity in the 2000s-2010s.

23. Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

I remember being really excited about this film when it came out, due to the actors involved and director Lars Von Trier’s long takes and hyper-realistic style. However, I remember being pretty disappointed by the time I finally saw it. Curious to see how it compares to Queen of the Damned which also falls under the rockstar vampire category.

24. A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014)

Promoted as “the first Iranian vampire western,” I’m so excited to finally see this black and white film that took Sundance by storm.

25. What We Do In The Shadows (2014)

I used to love Mockumentaries, and this one had me in tears of laughter when I first watched it. Curious to see if it withstood the test of time.

26. The Witch (2015)

I’ve never seen this film, but apparently it was actress Anya Taylor-Joy’s first feature film. I don’t know much about it, but I’m looking forward to the psychological themes of family and other.

27. Train to Busan (2016)

I think I’ve seen some random clips on social media of this Korean zombie film, but I don’t really know much about it. I’m not normally into zombie stuff, because it has always seemed the most realistic to me, and I have a feeling this is going to have some heartbreaking moments. That being said, I think there are some really strong horror movies from Korea, so I’m excited to expand my knowledge of this genre/industry.

28. Hereditary (2018)

I remember this was a really big deal when it came out, but I don’t know much about it other than it involves some family drama. I’ve seen Midsommar and been told that Hereditary isn’t as scary and disturbing, but I’m curious to see if there are any shared themes and techniques between the two films.

29. Midsommar (2019)

I remember exactly where I was when I first watched this. I was so disturbed, but also so captivated, that I didn’t even think to turn it off when the person who put it on abruptly left a few minutes in. I recently saw it playing in a bar on Polk Street and I was discussing with a friend what exactly it is that makes it so disturbing. Maybe because it’s such a visually beautiful movie and most of it takes place in broad daylight which feels unnatural for all of the dark themes. Looking forward to a re-watch as I have only seen it once and I feel like there’s a lot to absorb.

30. Candyman (2021)

I don’t remember when/where/why I first watched this as it’s not my normal type of film, but I knew that I’d appreciate it more if I watched the original as I felt like there was a lot of context that I was missing. I’m excited to re-watch it this month after having seen the 1992 version, for a richer comprehension of the film.

31. Nosferatu (2024)

Saved the best for last! I think this is one of the sexiest films ever made. I also love that this month began with the 1922 Nosferatu and is now 31 days and 102 years later, we get to watch this version. I wasn’t really expecting to like it, but Lily Rose Depp delivers an amazing performance that she modeled after female hysteria patients. There’s also something really compelling about seeing such a modern and angular looking face in such a bleak and haunting period piece.

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I’m not advocating that we all go out and purchase vintage Rolodexes – although that does sound like a vibe.

I’m advocating for a return of developing and maintaining a list of favorites. *Siri play My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music*

Recently, in one of those moments where you’ve been up all night and are slightly delirious so you start saying absurd but well-intentioned things completely unprovoked, I ranted about how good taste is the number one quality I want in a partner. I like to think that as I eloquently waived my hands in the air before falling asleep that I coherently articulated how “taste” might sound simple or purely aesthetic, but it actually describes how one interacts with the world.

No one is born with taste. Babies don’t waltz out the womb eating cornichon pickles and requesting to be swaddled in a cashmere blanket. Our palettes develop over time in response to factors like exposure and evolution. Therefore, it tracks that someone with “good taste” is actually just someone who has experienced a lot and grown as a result of those experiences.

Good taste implies discernment. Or the ability to perceive, understand, and judge. (Judgment here relating less to being a hater, and more to possessing the ability to analyze, distinguish, and compare.)

In addition to bad judgment, bad taste signifies a lack of open-mindedness and a tendency to control. It’s one thing to prefer different musical genres than your partner, but to be so closed minded as to always control the aux is another. It’s one thing to like McDonald’s, it’s another thing to only eat McDonald’s. It’s also important to note that I’m not saying that there are things that are objectively of bad taste. For example, if you replace McDonald’s with something considered “highbrow,” the sentiment remains the same. For example: It’s one thing to like Hillstone restaurants, it’s another thing to only eat at Hillstone restaurants.

Good taste is well-crafted, intimately personal, and requires a health curiosity for the world and those who live in it. Good taste is curated and refined, but also developed from having a playful approach to life. Our preferences are shaped by everything and everyone we encounter. And there is a certain level of self-awareness required to experience something, and think “oh I like this” or “oh I hate this.”

So how do we craft a Rolodex, filled with cards of businesses and people that bring us joy? Easy.

We live.

We go for a walk in a different part of town and discover a new cafe that just opened with terrible coffee and an amazing playlist. We try a fruit that we’ve never heard of from the farmer’s market just because we like the way it smells. We ask a random person with smart shoes and a nice smile for a recommendation of where to go next and they introduce us to our favorite bar – and yes, this actually happened to me!

Although I’m still working on acquiring a physical Rolodex, I do have a digital one. Compiled over the years from living/traveling around, and ready to be sent off to a friend at a moment’s notice.

Highlights from my Rolodex (a list in my Notes app, titled “Faves”)

• The Garden of Eden by Hemingway: Published posthumously, this is my favorite Hemingway novel. It follows the story of an American couple in Southern France.

• Gabi on the Roof in July: A 2010 indie film with Lawrence Michael Levine and Sophia Takal.

• Anima Mundi in LA: A very vibey cafe/apothecary in Venice with a gorgeous garden. They also host events like tarot readings and reiki sessions.

• Kind Regards in NY: A bar in Manhattan with a dance floor and no cell service in the basement; I think of this place every time I sign off an email with “kind regards.”

• Gola in SF: A Tunisian/Moroccan restaurant in the Mission with leg of lamb that melts off the bone and the sweetest staff ever.

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Sidenote: I told this story to a man at a party years later and miles away and he looked at me with wonder “oh wow, you must’ve been there back when they still did Morgana.” I hadn’t remembered the name of the party, and I wasn’t hip enough to know or care about any of the DJs names then, but I liked the music and it was a cheap night out.

Life felt like a sitcom, I lived with my best friend and worked at a startup with my friends. To have a moment at home alone was rare, and meant turning down multiple friends and their fun plans. I traveled in the beginning of 2020, then spent lockdown in a warehouse on the boarder of Bushwick and Ridgewood with 20 foot ceilings and boyfriend 20 years older than me. We played VR with our neighbors and had building-wide cookouts in the summer. We listened to DJ sets in our living room and saw the eclipse on the beach in Rockaway with a welding mask.

Eventually I moved to rural Vermont for grad school and got swept out to California.

The New York I remember was wild. You would never head to a party before midnight, and you would leave your home with no idea of when or how you’d get back. I worked long hours and taxes took a third of my paycheck, yet somehow I always had enough money to pay rent and go out 6-7 nights a week. I didn’t want for anything, except maybe to get rid of the German cockroaches invading our apartment.

New York in 2025 has safety rails. No literally, I’ve seen them on the subway platforms. It’s lost its edge, its grit, its 99¢ pizza shops, and most importantly its fashion. The lack of style in New York is alarming, disgusting, and indicative of the social media brain rot plaguing us all.

At Coachella this past year, a festival that traces back to a Pearl Jam concert/Ticketmaster boycott, there was an unofficial uniform: knee high boots, circle belts, micro shorts, and bikini tops, typically worn in a very specific shade of dirt brown. It’s not a bad look, but it signifies a lack of personality and originality. Style is a form of self expression, and when you look like a carbon copy, the message conveyed is something along the lines of: screen time was up 30% from last week. It’s a red flag, and for some (read: me), a dealbreaker.

This may sound harsh, but I have always loved to curate, and seeing a generation shift towards valuing Tik Tok and Shein hauls over the inconvenience and thrill of developing one’s own style breaks my heart.

As a kid, I collected rocks and dolls. In New York, I spent weekends bouncing between L-Train vintage locations, CG’s Social Trade & Treasure Club, and various flea markets. It feels like a fever dream to look back on. I brought a Calvin Klein skirt for $6 and chopped off the bottom. Back then House of Yes still had a hot tub and you could get denied entry if you weren’t in costume. We’d shop for bodysuits along Knickerbocker and cover ourselves (and our bathroom) in glitter. We never ran into anyone with the same outfit. I used to critique Bushwick residents as being “weird for the sake of being weird,” but I’d take that over whatever watered down version it is now. I paid $4.75 for a slice of pizza in Greenpoint on Friday night, and I saw cocktails at a restaurant off the J for $17. But if I’m being honest – I love it. Not the rising prices or the lack of personal expression. No. I love the ability to complain about it.

If I had a flower for every old timer that told me a tale of how it was better in the past, I’d have a full garden. But what an honor and privilege it is to grow old and complain. If you live long enough, you will lose so many people you love, and you will realize what a blessing and a burden it is to get older.

Therefore, I truly believe it’s our duty to carry the fire; to pass the torch and set the vibe. We have to teach younger generations how to laugh at themselves and the world, how to have hope and fight for a more just and healthy future, how to take care of themselves and each other at the rave and beyond. So what’s the remedy to it all? How do we cure New York’s lack of street style and save humanity? Easy.

Put down your phone and be present.

Stop online shopping and wander into a secondhand store or a friend’s closet, touch the leaves on the trees as you walk down the sidewalk, take out the AirPods and eavesdrop on conversations, spend time alone in public, talk to strangers, question, research, observe, document for yourself to reflect on later, don’t focus on love and happiness but don’t shun them when they appear, be honest, be a silly goose, be you.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had this inherent sense of discipline. I began taking ballet classes at age two, and while other parents may have had to force their children to practice their hobbies, I was the kid doing relevés and élevés while brushing my teeth for exactly 2 minutes…

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Decenter

dē-ˈsen-tər

transitive verb

: to cause to lose or shift from an established center or focus

especially : to disconnect from practical or theoretical assumptions of origin, priority, or essence

Definition taken from Merriam-Webster online dictionary

If you meet me now, you might think I’m boring. On most days I do things like: wake up with the sun, go makeup free, cook all of my meals, meditate, and lots of other things that you might find on a mood board for slow living. A friend recently called me the “queen of keeping her peace” (For context, this was after I surprisingly showed up to an event that started after sunset on a weeknight, and this sentence was preceded by playfully calling me a flake for the way that I cancel on plans with reckless abandon.)

But I wasn’t always this way.

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In Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion, a book I’ve admittedly read only brief excerpts of–Dr. Marlene Winell begins by stating: “Religion is supposed to be good for you.” Dr. Winell later offers “a very general outli…

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